it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
