the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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