I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
