is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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