Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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