smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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