I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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