I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
