umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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