I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
