You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
