Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize