from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
