You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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