I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
