life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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