so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize