I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
