I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
