we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
