My liver just broke up with me...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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