I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i permit you to call me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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