I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
