Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
