$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
