If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
