And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
