One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize