I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You smell like a Billy Joel song
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are the jesus of drinking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
