Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
