fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
