Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
