I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
