Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I skipped work to stalk him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
