Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
