we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
