Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
