We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
