if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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