i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
