You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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