I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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