My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize