YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
