You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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