then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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