There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
