I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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