i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
