I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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