Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
