How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
