I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
