you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
