apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
