I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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