But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize