hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
