WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think your dad took our porno
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
