i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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