Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
