I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
