Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
