She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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