I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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