Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
