Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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