OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
