He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You should frame my arrest warrant.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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