Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
